Young adults, all they ever hear about is marriage. At least in the state of Utah. That is the culture here. Lots of the activities planned for young adults is to get them excited to meet people of the opposite sex. This leads to dating. Regardless of what people say, dating is one big game. Love is a game. Even though love is not supposed to be a game, more often than not it is portrayed that way.
Love should be felt with your heart then thought through with your mind. You can't help who you love, and often times love is right in front of you. When society says love is blind. I don't think they are talking about a person becoming blind once they are in love. But a person being pre- blinded to love that is already placed in front of them. The most common advice i have ever heard about marriage, is marry your best friend. So your saying if people marry their best friend, then divorce rates will go down? Why is everyone blinded to the fact that they have such a perfect friendship with this best friend, that they couldn't possibly marry them because it would ruin the friendship or heaven forbids work out! I'm going to quote the movie Perks of Being a Wallflower, in this movie the main character says " We accept the love we think we deserve. " In many instances i can see how people would find this to be true. When you have a higher self esteem of yourself, i think you have a higher rate of love.
I actually want to become a marriage and family therapist, so the concept of marriage means a lot to me. I feel like i have seen it all when it comes to marriage, as i'm sure a lot of us do. I come from a divorced family were marriage has never worked out. My parents had split officially by my first birthday. Growing up i never understood why they split, i knew my mom still very much loved my dad. I didn't grasp the concept of why they actually split until i was older. Two people can be in love and have to be apart. This is what makes marriage such a complex thing. My mom is remarried now, and i still don't understand that marriage. What makes one person happy in a marriage, can be completely different then someone else perspective. I feel like today a lot of people think of marriage as a duty, responsibility, as a title. Marriage should be fully out of love. Before my mom got re- married ( which was up until my sixth grade year) we were really happy. We did a lot of things and had a lot going for us.
I know perfectly happy people who aren't married, people who married and got divorced, people who remarried and found the love of their life. It doesn't mean necessarily that their first marriage wasn't supposed to happen, it only prepared them for their other marriages later in life. Now i have never been married, i have not had perfect examples of marriage in my life. I do think i know a little about marriage though. I know this because marriage deals with love. LOVE NOT LUST.
A marriage should be trustworthy, communicative, loving, friendly, best friends, not imposed, not forced, caring, kind, altruistic, service to one another, happy, to build a family, and marriage should last. Society does not see marriage like this at all. Society lets money and communication get in the way of marriage.
From what media shows us, is we see marriage the same as dating. When marriage is very different from the prospects of dating. Marriage isn't just the next step, its a spoken (expressed) commitment. You don't marry to divorce or get bored of the person. You marry to make memories and stay with in that commitment. You marry to build upon your love. When you first marry someone your love for that person isn't going to be at its highest, it will only grow with time. If we were to compare Hogarth's story of Marriage a-la-mode to a modern tale i think it would go something like this:
( I will try not to put my wishes of how marriage should go)
1. A boy and a girl would meet in a college class or at institute. The boy would talk to the girl, then they would become friends. The girl would like the guy and the guy would like the girls best friend. The guy would then date the girls best friend, only to realize he wants to date her.
[ this could also happen by just the opposite, i speak from experience]
2. Well the girl thinking the guy wasn't interested would start telling this man all about the other guys she likes. ( she would never mention that him that they don't even come close to comparing with him). The girl would make a big decision in her life, like moving.
3. Right as she is getting ready to move, the guy would start to really like her and show her that he does. He would never make a move though because the girl is moving, what's the point of trying now.
4. They would have that one perfect moment that would sustain them for life. They would remain friends and then marry someone else.. [ still wishing to be with that person] All the meanwhile, they would pretend to be happy for each other.
5. Eventually, the wedding may get stopped or a big catastrophe happens. In the end they end up together.
Now it doesn't happen exactly in this order or like shown above. But the point i am trying to make is love is complicated. Marriage is seen as a game. Often the ones who are ready to get married don't. Why? Because guys date girls that want to have fun. Then when they are done foolin' around they date the ones that are marriage material in their eyes. But remember, who is marriage material is different to every one. There is someone out there for every one.
This story compared to Hogarth's is very different. That's because society is very different. Arranged marriage is a lot more simplistic It takes away all the freedom and feeling . That's why the woman and man both went out and cheated. They were lacking something. Marriage, Love could end tragic. You never know until you give it a try.
There is no way you will know your future spouses every flaw, everything about them, or every emotion. That's why love always has the ability to grow stronger. Love is not perfect, love is patient. In Hogarth's case love was not perfect nor patient. You never know what is going to happen in life, so love why you can . Love who your heart tells you to, and don't wait until it is too late. On the same account, it is never to late to say i love you.
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